Sugar daddy
by souleater1234567
Summary: Finally i will have my revenge with the help of him my trump card Naruto Uzumaki. narutayu dark/crazy/addicted naruto oh yes konoha will burn.
1. Chapter 1

I'm contemplating where to take my other stories. I really don't know where there heading, though I have a general idea of the plots. So in my writers block here's a hopefully long running story.

Disclaimer: I do not own naruto.. At least I think not.

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He could hear there footsteps by the echoes coming from the dimly lit hallway. Six people he counted. He developed that skill from the years of few visitors he had.

He wondered what they wanted. Every time someone came to his cell they wanted something in return for there chit chat, which they thought he liked. The truth was he never wanted any visitors, unless they brought him a cake with a nail file in it.

His eyes downcast he sighed and prepared for them to suck his chakra reserves dry. he crawled off the dirty bench that took up most of his cells room, and stood crouched painfully, bent away from the bench.

"Here he is children, the one who will help us on are journey" he heard a hissed voice say from the other side of the bars of his cell.

"Hmm" he mumbled 'this could be interesting"

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Curiously tayuya stared at the mug shots that hung from small tacks on the walls of the hallway. Each bore a face of an unpleasant, and angry shinobi. Either glaring or snarling 'very original' she thought. But one of the pictures she had passed was different. Not that anyone would care, but after walking down these tunnels you get very bored.

The picture was of a boy about five, she discovered, he had blond hair and deep blue eyes that were twisted up in confusion. His blond hair was dirty and wet. While he held up a sign weakly that had printed on it in bold black letters 'Naruto Uzumaki, cell 16 maximum security' he seemed way to innocent for prison.

The innocence was just a façade she learned by the red blood dripping down his mouth and chin. Her eyes widened, konoha was one fucked up place.

She peered up on the wall of the new hall where the were entering. 'maximum security' it read.

"Hm" she exhaled in thought.

Orochimaru glanced back at her "What is it tayuya-chan" he said smiling a cheesy smile. She grimaced, she hated it when he called her Chan, like he knew her at all.

" Who are we visiting" said the redhead.

He smirked this time "A friend" his voice filled with laughter. She hated it when he wouldn't answer the question straightforward.

"Here he is children, the one who will help us on are journey" said the snake sanin, once they arrived in front of a dark cell.

"Naruto" he whispered trying to sound caring.

"Yes" an equally creepy voice echoed out of the cell. The rest of the sound four were freaked out by the noise.

"I need a favor naruto" orochimaru said sweetly.

"And what's that snaky" it echoed again. Tayuya lifted an eyebrow 'snaky?' orochimaru must really need this guy to allow him to call him snaky.

"I need you to assist my troops In the destruction of konoha" there eyes bulged out orochimaru just announced there master plan to a potential enemy, this little slip up could ruin all there hard work and planning.

They all breathed a sigh of relief when the guy said " And what do I get in return"

Orochimaru smirked 'hook, line , and sinker' "Well you get to get out of here and join my forces, plus-" he reached into his pocket and pulled out a chocolate bar.

"- all the candy you could want" he finished tossing the bar through the bars of the cell. A deadly pale hand rocketed out of the cell and grabbed the candy bar, and retched it into the cell. The sound four were surprised by the speed of the hand. Tayuya voicing her opinion.

"Holy shit"

They all heard sounds of the rapping crinkling and animalistic chewing coming from within the small cell.

"Mmm…that hit the spot, I'll do it" the voice exclaimed.

"Fufufufufufufufufu..good choice naruto" laughed Orochimaru practically spelling out that he would have killed him if refused.

"Kabuto, please get our little friend out of there" the snake said

"Yes Orochimaru-sama" curtly kabuto said being the lapdog he is.(kind of forgot about kabuto until now) his hand glowed blue with chakra as he cut four bars on the cell.

The guy named naruto stepped out of the dark cell and into the light. He wore a black ski hat with ear flaps that had two little braded pieces on the ends of the earflaps. Some pieces of spiky, dirty blond hair curled out of the hat. His eyes were a deep blue with dark bags under them from sleepless nights.

On each of his cheeks were three whisker like markings that made him look exotic. His shirt was a bright white standard button up mental patient garb. With a name tag and everything.

He had on a white, black stripped under shirt that sleeves that were longer then the white button up, that covered his hands, and almost dragged on the floor. His pants were a plain white just like the shirt, with two pockets. On his feet were converse high-tops, the shoelaces untied carelessly. Around his neck was a long necklace that came down to his stomach, a weird mismatched shape hung on the end.

All together he looked weird. Which was why the sound four were gawking at him. tayuya recognized him as the kid from the mug shot, with all that blood on his face. Normally she would have though he wouldn't be that much help in the invasion, but him being in a high security prison changed that thought.

Naruto turned his head and stared.

And stared

And stared

Until finally he screamed out,

"Omg, you have eight arms" he yelled standing right in front of Kidomaru. And I don't mean respectably in front minding his space bubble, I mean right smack dab in front of his, so close that there noses were touching. Kidomaru just gawked at him, what was he some kind of freak show to this kid, well most people, he admitted hadn't seen a real life Spiderman in there lifetime, but that didn't mean this kid had to yell at him.

And those eyes, they were just plain creepy. They seemed to stare into your soul, searching for your mind so they could tear it apart. He may be sounding crazy but he just had a feeling that this kid would be trouble.

"Um..yeah" he answered trying to brush away the awkwardness of the situation.

"That's so COOL!" the blond yelled, and with kidomaru being so close, his ears were ringing. Naruto stepped back, and ran back into his cell. He walked back out about a moment later, with a blue and yellow yo-yo in hand.

"Naruto you have everything you need" the snake smoothly hissed facing Naruto.

"Yesssssss" he hissed mocking Orochimaru. Kabuto fixed the bars back on the cell so the guards that brought him food wouldn't notice he was gone.

"Alright then lets get out of here" the sanin smirked, Naruto noticing he did that a lot. They all traveled back up the tunnels to get to the surface. After an hour they were at the entrance of the cave.

They walked through the genjutsu that was masking the cave opening and into the really bright sunlight on the hokage mountain. Bright being the key word in that sentence.

"AHHHH!!" Naruto screamed covering his eyes. Everyone whirled around. "Awwww shitttt" he moaned. Most held back there laughter, but Tayuya couldn't.

"BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!" she laughed out bent over holding her gut.

"O, sorry Naruto I forgot that you would be blinded by the sunlight after seven years in prison" Orochimaru smiled. "Here's some protection" (lol)he said oddly holding out a pair of green goggles, which Naruto quickly grabbed and shoved them on.

"Aww..much better" was his relived reply. By now Tayuya was rolling around on the ground laughing like a maniac.

"Wow…it wasn't that funny tayuya" said Jirobo finally talking for once.

"That's not very lady like" smugly said by Kidomaru. Tayuya stopped laughing and rolling to give him one hell of a glare.

" What did you say fuck face" A bead of sweat formed on the spider wielders forehead.

"Oh ho ho burn!" naruto exclaimed happily. He just loved it when people got burned.

Tayuya stood up and slowly walked up to kidomaru. By now he was amazed he hadn't wet his pants this time. She took him by the collar and got really close till he was blushing. She raised her fist. He closed his eyes.

" Okay enough children, lets go before some konoha nin shows up" said Orochimaru saving Kidomaru's life. "Fine" snarled tayuya as she dropped kidomaru on his butt.

Kabuto masked them with a genjitsu making all of them to look like anbu, and the group took to the rooftops and surprisingly naruto could keep up even with his unused legs. While they were leaping he couldn't help but think how konoha was beautiful, but it would look much better in flames.

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Writing kudomaru's part was annoying, mostly because every time I typed his name my stupid laptop kept changing it to tidemark. Not only that but I totally blanked on sakon and ukon. They were there but I forgot to have them talk, and right know I'm to lazy to change that.

Wrote this listing to mindless self indulgence, and Voltaire so you cant blame me on weird plot. This takes place right before Chunin exams, but after wave arc so don't get confused.

Thank god for spell check

Review………..or else!………..not really..


	2. Chapter 2

Disclaimer: I do not own naruto 

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"_why do you do this to yourself."_

"_I don't like you."_

"_shut the hell up!"_

"_why are you here?"_

"_I want to help you." _

"_go away."_

"_I love you."_

"_lies, all lies!"_

"_you know, sometimes people just don't understand."_

"_stay away from me!"_

"_just die."_

"_you cant just stand there all day."_

"_fine, leave then"_

"_your just like everyone else."_

"_suicide wont help you now."_

"_step down!"_

"_that is an order."_

"_just help me."_

"_please."_

"_I'm sorry I'm not normal like all of them."_

"_but,… your supposed to be taking care of me."_

"_I hate you!"_

"_I never want to see you again!"_

" _When we bleed, we bleed the same."_

Kyuubi watched with barely hidden interest, from behind his prison bars. The words had started colliding on the damp walls of the boys mind when the snake first talked to him. It seemed that the words had not yet reached the boys ears for he showed no annoyance.

" **pft…humans and there emotions." **he smirked. Soon konoha would be obliterated. He would make sure of that personally.

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They arrived in a dense forest near the walls of konoha. Orochimaru walked up to a big red wood tree trunk. The trunk was at least three feet wide. He brought his hand up palm facing the tree, and forced chakra into the bark. Suddenly a huge opening appeared on the tree. He motioned for them to walk through smirking slightly.

"welcome to my lair naruto fufufufu." he said

Naruto raised an eyebrow "lair? That just makes you sound like a villain." Orochimaru stared at him for a moment but didn't say anything and continued walking.

By now they had traveled into the ground by a good fifty feet. Walking down twisting tunnels gets very old, very fast.

By the time they got to there spacey private common room Tayuya was ready to tear her eyes out.

"why does that take so long!!" Tayuya yelled

Orochimaru turned to her and smirked "Because it confuses the enemy until they get frustrated and go die somewhere."

"that makes no sense." naruto exclaimed his arms crossed in a defiant pose.

Orochimaru swiveled to him. "What do you mean? , it makes perfect sense." his eyes flashed dangerously. By now the rest of the group was shocked by naruto display.

Kabuto quickly cut in " well naruto lets show you to your room, eh?" When no one moved he chose plan b.

"I've got candy." backing up the statement by pulling out a bunch of pixie sticks. As fast as sound itself naruto was turned to him with pleading eyes.

"Its just down this hall, come on." he instructed leading Naruto away. They walked through an olive colored hallway. Instantly naruto showed distain for the color.

"ewww…the walls looks like someone threw up green pea soup." he stated eyes closed. Kabuto had never heard that one before, and was a little caught off guard.

" well I guess they do." he smiled showing off his super white teeth. His teeth were so white that Orochimaru skin paled in comparison.

"woooooow, your teeth are so clean" Kabuto laughed at the complement.

"okay this is your new room." Kabuto explained opening a bland door. Naruto bended in an odd angle to take a peek. The room was fairly big, but compared to naruto cell it was humongous. His eyes got big. It even had a private bathroom.

"awesome!!, this room is big!" he exclaimed. Kabuto laughed again.

"well I'm glad you like it, but first before you get settled in there's something we have to do first." Kabuto said politely. He could tell naruto was excited.

"what is it!" he asked bouncing on his toes with joy. Oh boy did he love surprises.

" you** NEED TO TAKE A BATH!**" Kabuto yelled, his eyes evil pits of death. naruto looked on in fear.

"wha-what." he mumbled. Kabuto just looked at him like he was an idiot. "when was the last time you had a bath! You stink!" he inquired. A thoughtful look overcame naruto's face.

"um…before I went to jail" he said looking at Kabuto curiously. "before you went to jail! That was seven years ago!" Kabuto yelled astonished. Naruto gave him a foxy grin.

"heh, heh, guess it was huh." he said scratching the back of his head. Suddenly his head shot up to kabutos level. "hey where's my candy!" naruto yelled pointing accusingly at him.

Kabuto smirked slyly "you'll get them after you take a bath" naruto's face drooped with dramatic angst.

"ugh, but I don't wanna." said naruto childishly. An evil smirk overcame Kabutos face. "come on buckaroo it will be fine, water never hurts people." he cooed. Naruto stared at him for a moment before giving up and following him to the bath room.

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"remove your pants."

"what!!"

"you heard me, remove them." Kabuto commanded. His face was set in a harsh glare. Naruto would just not cooperate. Naruto looked around for an escape only to find out that Kabutos body blocked the only exit.

Kabuto as if reading his mind said. "there is no way your getting out of here without taking a bath."

Naruto looked up, his eyes where watery and glossy. It was his famous puppy dog eyes complete with the lower lip sticking out. Kabuto crossed his arms and sighed. He would have to do this the hard way. Kabuto promptly grabbed narutos pants and ripped them off his body, and quickly throwing him in the tub. Hot water splashed out of the tub and painted the floor. Naruto bounced up breathing hard.

"ahh, so hot!!." he yelled in agony, and tried to make a run for it only to be stopped by Kabutos strong grip. Kabutos eyes narrowed.

"your not going anywhere." his eyes were set in determination. His hand was so tight that his knuckles were turning white. Narutos eyes shifted to the doorway then back to Kabuto. He new that cleanliness was inevitable.

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After Kabuto had took naruto away, Orochimaru had just stood rigidly in the common room for about the whole wait. His eyes had not blinked once, and the unbreakable stare started to creep the sound four out.

After about five minutes of nothing they migrated to the couches and just hung around waiting patiently for the chunin exams to start. When suddenly a tan blur blew past them and ran into the hallway. Tayuya how was longing on a armrest of one of the couches shot up with surprise on her face.

"what the fuck was that." she said oh so elegantly. Sakon looked over to her his face also showed surprise.

Ukons head just hung tiredly like always. "that was weird." he mumbled in his sleepy voice.

Running abet slower behind the blur was a soaking wet Kabuto. He had a almost empty bottle of shampoo in his hands.

"wait!! I still haven't lathered!" he yelled as he brushed pieces of damp hair out of his eyes. And, just like the blur he disappeared into the next hallway. By then Orochimaru had woken out of his trance, and walked into his office with a weird look on his face.

The sound fours eyes were glued to the hallway hoping for more drama to continue. They and most of oto hadn't had anything really interesting happen in a long time. There wish was granted when naruto came jogging out of the hallway clad in nothing but a pair of smiley boxers. His hair was covered in bubbly shampoo, and his hair was pointing in different directions. He looked over to them and promptly said.

"hey that Kabuto guy is a pedophile."

Kidomaru looked him up and down with skeptical eyes. "what do mean?" he suspiciously asked. Naruto looked at him his face showing disbelief.

"come on, first of all he stripped me down and threw me into a bath tub, and second of all he's chasing me yelling 'wait, I haven't lathered'."

"so he does that all the time." Kidomaru answered. Narutos face changed to anger.

He turned around and started walking back to the bathroom. "fuck this, im getting a hammer."

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Okay second chapter didn't have much action in it but its just a filler chapter till next one. The next chapter will be the chunin exams, I promise.

Orochimaru has a konoha base mostly for his konoha spies to stay in, but he's staying there until the final exam. After they will be heading to his main base in oto.

Ever notice how a bunch of authors try to sound cute by saying 'review and I will give a cookie' no? well I have, and it gets really annoying because I cant help but read it. And every time I do I feel like I have to beat myself up.

Review or die.

Simply as that.


	3. First contest

Disclaimer: I do not own naruto.

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Beep, beep, beep.

All the alarm clocks in the base rang in unison. Orochimaru programmed all the alarm clocks to ring at the exact same time, so all his pawns would get up and prepare together. From his burrow in the couch in the common room, narutos eyes shown with black rings from insomnia. He had never been very good at sleeping, even when he was in prison.

He guessed it came from the four years that he was asleep. He was born pre-mature when his father sealed the Kyuubi into his stomach. unknown to the doctors, there was a small tear in his mothers womb. she bled out before anyone suspected anything. It came as a surprise to everyone when he did not wake up. The doctors said he needed the years of rest for his body to catch up.

"Naruto-kun." a surprised voice reached his ears. "What are you doing up?" it asked. He turned around to Orochimaru looking at him, holding a cup of coffee. He stared at the brown substance for a good minute before he answered.

"I don't sleep very well…err…at all." Orochimaru casually took a sip of the coffee.

"Hmm…."

"…"

"…"

"…"

"…"

The silence was starting to get to him but he didn't say anything. Orochimaru seemed lost in though. But then again so was he.

That's how Tayuya found them. Naruto his hat absent, sitting on the couch staring at a wall, and Orochimaru standing and staring at his coffee. She glanced at them but said not a word, and strolled to the main kitchen. She rifled through the cupboards looking for anything edible. Finally she found a loaf of bread. She checked the date.

**March, 23, 09. **

It was not stale. She moved over to the overly big refrigerator, not before stubbing her toe on the door, and searched the drawers. There she found a carton of eggs and a jar of jam. She turned on the stove, and pulled out a toaster from a cabinet. She shoved three pieces of bread in the toaster, and put a frying pan on the stove. After she was done she ventured out into the common room, just to uncover….nothing.

Naruto was still staring at a wall and Orochimaru was still staring at his cup of coffee. She glared and walked back into the kitchen.

_'So uninteresting.'_

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"Hey Kyuubi- ACK!." naruto yelled after materializing in his mind. Red hot whips of sound bombarded his ears. He covered his ears with his cloth covered hands and screamed.

"WHAT THE HELL IS THAT?"

Kyuubi looked up from its fetal position. Its ears were drooped against its head in agony.

"**I don't know, they showed up when you got out of that cell, and do you know how much this hurts? alot!"**

Naruto glared. "Hey! This hurts my ears too!" he yelled over the load voices, his eyes closed. He could feel a headache forming within his mind.

Kyuubi snorted sending naruto skywards. **"Silly mortal, your pathetic brain could not even fathom the sensitivities that come from being a demon." **

Naruto rolled his eyes. He had to put up with the 'mightier than you' speeches that came with demons, for twelve long years. Were all demons so stuck up and snobbish.

"Just stop the voices!" he yelled. His developing headache was starting to get on his nerves. Kyuubi's eyes narrowed.

"**I don't know how too, this is ****your**** mind, you should know how to fix it!" **it barked.

Naruto glanced around the wide sewer they were in, until he found a small door. He ventured over to it and tried to open it. There was a huge lock wrapped around the door handle. He pulled and pulled on it for about two minutes, but the lock was resilient and did not give in. A vain appeared on his forehead. _'fuck it'_ he though and a blast of Kyuubi's chakra broke the lock in half.

The chains slide off and fell to the ground, creating a load 'thwack' to sound all around the room. Kyuubi watched with anticipation as naruto painfully slow opened the door. The doors hinges creaked with every movement.

Naruto had opened the door halfway when it slammed open. A gush of steaming hot air hit naruto face, creating a burning sensation. A dozen more booming voices flew into the big area. The wind spun around in the center of the room creating a twister. Paper appeared and gathered in the twister. All of the voices chorused in an ear splitting shriek that sounded all over he room. Naruto was blown back onto the bars of Kyuubis cage. He gripped his ears tighter. The shriek was getting louder each second.

Kyuubi was alarmed. His ears flattened on his furry head. **"Look at what you've done!"** it screamed out in agony. Poor Kyuubi.

Naruto eyelids lowered in a sleepy position. He couldn't believe himself, he was sleepy when a thousand faceless beings were crying out to him. Suddenly his eyes snapped open.

It all came back to him, the memories, the anger, and the shame.

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Tayuya entered the unknown dark abyss that was Kidomarus room. Various magazines and manga covered the ground, and clothes were strum around the desktops. Drawers hung open ready to fall on someone's foot. She crept over to Kidomarus bed, careful not to step on any food wrappers. He lay backwards on his bed. his limbs were twisted up all over his bed. She stood next to his sleeping form, a bucket of ice cold water hung loosely off her hands.

The red head smirked. He deserved this for the incident from yesterday. She carefully held the bucket up over him, and slowly tipped it forward. But something willed her to just dump it on him. So she did.

"AAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!" echoed all over the base. Tayuya grinned devilishly from the kitchen. Her clone sure was a naughty one.

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"_Naruto, I want to help you. Just let me have knife." an old man wearing red and white regal robes asked. His voice held compassion, but he did not trust him. He backed up until his back hit the bare wall. _

"_No! go away." he yelled in fear. He held a knife tightly with his small hands, pointed at the old man. Naruto realized that the old man was the hokage. The one who imprisoned him for no real reason. The small naruto gripped the knife tighter with anger. His eyes shown with tears. _

"_Naruto please," the hokage said wearily. "Put the knife down, I can help you." his hand reached out in a friendly manner. Naruto looked at the hand in fear. "No! I don't want to go!" he yelped, and charged. The knife met flesh when naruto stabbed the hokage in the thigh. The old man yelped in shock. His arms struck out in a desperate attempt to capture naruto. The boy zoomed out of the white room, and into the busy streets. The hokage called out to him, but received no answer. _

"_Naruto wait!"_

The memory faded away. Naruto eyes widened. His head swiveled around franticly. He was back on the couch in the base. Orochimaru stood in front of him staring at a cup of coffee as if he was frozen. Naruto thought, for a moment, that the world had stopped when entered his mind. But his thought was rejected when he herd scuffling from the kitchen.

A wave of nausea hit him. His stomach lurched, and so did his whole body. Orochimaru woke up from his staring contest with his coffee, and noticed naruto clamp a hand over his mouth.

"Are you okay?" the sanin asked. Naruto shoke his head, and rushed out of the room. Orochimaru shrugged and turned to enter the kitchen.

"Man…that must be one huge case of explosive diarrhea." he muttered shaking his head.

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"HUUUURRRGGGG" was the sound coming from behind the public bathroom door. Kidomaru stopped walking in front of the door. "Hah..nice going man." he laughed and ran away. He thought that was jirobou in there hurling up his lunch. Kidomaru challenged the orange haired friend to a hot dog eating contest yesterday.

Naruto sighed in contempt, and slide down the floor by the sink. He hated throwing up, but then again was there anybody that enjoyed to puke. He laughed, thinking of some random guy throwing up in a toilet and smiling about it.

He sighed again. All laughter lost from his eyes. That memory, he didn't remember doing any of that as a kid. Maybe he was imprisoned for a real valid reason. He decided he'd ask Kyuubi about it later. He hoisted himself up slowly and looked in the mirror above the sink.

He stared unemotionally at his own eyes. The ocean blue shining brightly even if dimmed a little by his demeanor. His hair was left uncombed. And his shirt hung on his small frame. His eyes wandered to the name tag pinned on his shirt.

**Hello, my name is naruto. **It read. The tag brought back bad memories. But he quickly blocked them, and tried to think of good times. 'Konoha' he thought bitterly. 'you will burn' he smiled happily brushed his teeth with a new toothbrush, and skipped all the way to the kitchen.

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Naruto skipped into the kitchen. Orochimaru turned his gaze away from the newspaper and asked.

"Are you okay naruto. You looked really sick this morning."

"Uh…yah, I'm okay now." he seemed bewildered that someone cared that he was sick. He sat down and poured himself a bowl of lucky charms. he picked at the cereal, eating only the marshmallows. He felt a weird sensation on his face. He stopped eating and looked up to find that Kidomaru was staring at him. The spider summoner's eyes squinted.

"So you where the one barfing in the bathroom."

"Okay that was fuckin creepy." said Tayuya looking up from her eggs.

"What? I just wanted to know!" he defended.

Naruto raised an eyebrow "Yah.. I heard your comment."

Kidomaru looked alarmed. "I thought it was jirobou in the bathroom. We had a hot dog eaten' contest the day before ya know." he said in the defense position once again. By now naruto was done eating his lucky charms.

"Contest?" he looked up.

Kidomaru smiled mischievously. "Yah, me and jirobou used to compete in a lot of things. But now its like he doesn't enjoy it anymore." he frown, lost in thought.

"No one else want to play." he sadly said. A smile bloomed on naruto's face. His whisker marks stretched across his cheeks.

"I'll play. What kind of games."

Kidomarus eyes were wide open in shock. No one ever wanted to play. His smile was getting bigger by the second. "Well we try to push our limits, like how long we can run, or fear challenges."

Naruto smirked. "I bet I can win the first challenge you throw at me." Kidomaru also smirked.

"Oh really? I bet you can't." the smugness in his voice was thick. Tayuya looked back and forth between the two. She could tell both were very confident in there own skills. She stuffed the last piece of bread in her mouth.

"I'm in on this too." they broke apart there glare to glance at her. "Really." "Wow Tayuya you usually never bet on anything." Kidomaru laughed. "But that's probably because you always lose!" he finished. A tick mark was forming on her forehead.

"Fine if you think that then I bet on him." she pointed at naruto. A heated glare was pointed at Kidomaru.

Naruto smiled and struck a pose. "Don't worry tayu-chan, I wont lose." a fist was brought down on his head courtesy of a fuming red head. "Don't call me that you butt crack!" Kidomaru fell down laughing at the blonds misfortune. naruto climbed onto a chair, and rested his throbbing head.

"What's the first challenge." he asked after getting Kidomaru to stop laughing. Kidomaru stroked his imaginary beard. The pineapple headed boy reminded naruto of someone from his past but he couldn't remember who. The spider boys voice broke into naruto dream like state.

"Ummm…what about weight lifting, where we see who can lift the most weight."

"Yah that sounds about right." Naruto answered.

"Weight lifting challenge it is" Tayuya got out of her chair and walked to the revolving doors of the kitchen. She looked back. "Come on, I know this place that has tons of different sized boulders." naruto and Kidomaru exchanged a glance and got up and followed her to the unknown location.

Orochimaru looked up from his paper. This challenges they faced was just the thing he could use to test Narutos skills on. He smirked like a snake that had set its sights on its juicy pray.

_'perfect' _

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"**Boooooooooooommm!" **'squawk, squawk, squawk"

"GOD DAMMIT!!" Kidomaru yelled to the heavens above. He had lost there first challenge. One little misplaced hand and the twelve ton bolder he was holding up, came tumbling down, and almost crushed his foot. The birds in the area flew into the sky creating a shadowy atmosphere. Naruto threw down his own twelve bolder and jumped around like a lunatic.

"YES, YES! Oh yah! Who's the king!" he skipped over to Kidomarus wilting body. "I think a certain someone owes another certain someone twenty bucks." Kidomaru looked up defeated. Searched his pockets for the money and gingerly gave it to naruto.

Tayuya smirked up in the tree she was resting on. She jumped down from it and trotted over to the sad Kidomaru, and held out her hand.

"Pay up loser." Kidomaru was almost in tears by then. He gave her the money, and fell to the ground letting out a sigh of defeat. He had lost forty bucks in five minutes.

"Lets go back to base before some dumb konoha fucks come, and try to capture us." the red head of the group insisted. Naruto nodded happily, as he hefted Kidomaru up on to his shoulders. He grabbed a tootsie pop out of his linty pocket, and popped it into his mouth. The group started there track back to the base, with naruto humming a song that sounded eerily similar to the McDonalds commercials.

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Nearby in a bush covered by a high level genjutsu, Kabutos eyes gleamed behind his glasses. No one had noticed ,but him, that the bolder naruto was holding up had cut the boys arm leaving a slice mark. Kabuto watched in awe when the mark disappeared leaving nothing. No scab or scar.

He bellowed out a happy laugh, and wrote something down on a clip board.

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Okay I know there no McDonalds in ninja land but I couldn't help myself and put it in anyway. Hopefully I update my other stories but I'm not sure. I eat only the marshmallows of the lucky charms. I try not to, but i fail every time. Its such a waste of cereal.

**Review please! I know you want to...**


	4. weirdly placed rocks

Disclaimer: I do not own naruto.

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"How long do I have to do this? Its boring." exclaimed Naruto. A bead of sweat dripped down his chin, and onto the hard wood floor of the gym.

Orochimaru looked up from his clip board he furiously scribbling on. "Until you collapse from exhaustion. Remember this is a test, not a hobby." Naruto sighed and turned the page of the manga he was intently staring at.

Kidomaru curiously glanced at his watch and gasped. The blond had been running on a treadmill for an hour. The boy must have stamina of steel.

Kidomaru laid back on the rickety bench he was sitting on, and placed a baseball cap on his face to catch some Z's.

When he awoke, he sat up, the cap fell to the ground. He brought up his arm to check his watch. And for the second time that day he gasped. He'd slept for two hours. And Naruto was still running, with a bored expression on his face, reading a different manga.

He looked around and noticed he was joined by Tayuya on the bench. Her face held awe. Orochimaru's face held pure glee. Kidomaru was sure the otokage would blow up if his smile got any bigger. His snake like eyes shined brightly.

"Damn…" Tayuya spouted. "How much longer can you run like that?"

"A lot longer." answered naruto, not taking his eyes off the manga.

Kidomaru smiled. "I'm getting tired just looking at you." Naruto smirked, then turned around still running, until he was facing Orochimaru running backwards.

"Hey snaky, when can I leave? I could really go for a sundae right now." he said hungrily. Orochimaru wrote down a note on his clipboard and said. "Right now actually." he replied. Naruto smiled in delight.

"Finally. Lets go! To the kitchen!" he stepped off the speedy treadmill. The device slowed to a stop. He stopped just like the treadmill, when Orochimaru interjected.

"Oh, wait Naruto, I have information for you three." the snake man took three headbands from his robe. Tayuya, Kidomaru, and Naruto gathered in front of Orochimaru. The man stood and stepped closer to them. He held up the head bands for them to see a music symbol engraved into the metal. Tayuya was confused. The symbol was that of oto, the village Orochimaru ruled.

"What are these for." she asked as she grabbed one of the three headbands. Orochimaru gave the other two there head bands.

"These head bands symbolize the honor of the sound village. Shinobi wear them to show there respect to there village. But instead you three will wear them to bled in to the standard shinobi image." he replied. Naruto's eyebrows raised in knots of confusion. Why couldn't Orochimaru just answer the question bluntly. He repetedly tapped his foot in agitation.

"What do mean? What are blending in for?" he asked. Orochimaru smirked.

"You three will wear these head bands and pretend to be oto nins for the upcoming chunin exams, that are to be held in konoha tomorrow."

Naruto glared harshly, his eyes flashing in hatred. "Why would I want to go back there?" he spat out, and crossed his arms defiantly.

The sanin smiled his mouth muscles tight. "Because, I'm going to impersonate the kazekage, kill my old sensei Sarutobi, and finally destroy the leaf village." he laughed out loud.

The evil sound scared some guards in the hallway, and one even wet his pants. Naruto uncrossed his arms, and smiled a positively happy smile.

"I'm in." his smile morphed into a smirk.

"Me too!" Kidomaru exclaimed and pumped his fist in the air. "I could meet some strong opponents!" They all looked over to Tayuya, who in turn, sweat dropped.

"I guess I'm in too, I cant help but want to pummel some dumb leaf shinobi until they cry." she cracked her knuckles. They all smirked up at Orochimaru, and tied there new head bands on there foreheads. He smirked back. "perfect, the leaf village stands no chance." he thought. Little did he now that a certain foxes thoughts ran the same course.

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The next day Tayuya, Kidomaru, and Naruto gathered at the entrance of the base. Naruto used the extra time to examine the mold on the walls.

Orochimaru emerged from one of the many spiraling hallways. He was disguised as a black haired jonin. A oto headband secured firmly around the mans forehead. "Okay, before we go, Naruto you need to change your appearance, we don't want anyone to recognize you in konoha."

Naruto turned away from the mold, smiled and crossed his arms over his chest. In a flash of red, there stood a red haired teen with smoldering ruby red eyes. Naruto's black ski hat was still placed on his head. He now wore a black short sleeve shirt, and black jeans. He kept his striped long sleeved under shirt. But the black strips were now red. He kept his untied high-tops. His name tag was also missing. Orochimaru nodded in approval, and shushined(SP?) them to the village gates.

At the looming gates, two guards greeted them with there standard hello.

"Passports" one ordered in a commanding voice. The sound ninja ,except Naruto, flinched at his tone. This guy was a dead man walking for ordering Orochimaru around. To the surprise of Tayuya and Kidomaru, the sanin just smiled kindly, and pulled four passports out of his purple jonin vest. The guards emerald eyes scanned the papers, and handed them back. He nodded and signaled the other guard to open the gates. The gigantic gates opened dramatically and they walked through into the sunny streets of konoha.

The disguised Orochimaru led them through the busy streets that made up the village to the hokage tower.

They went inside the building and waited until the secretary called them to enter the office.

The strong smell of tobacco hit there noses when the headed into the old mans office. Naruto winced when he heard the aged hokage welcoming voice, Tayuya noticed.

"Welcome to the leaf village, for the chunin exams." the wrinkled mans voice boomed. Orochimaru smirked at the familiar tone.

"Greetings hokage-sama. My name is Akino, and this is my genin team, Tayuya, Kidomaru, and Renjiro." Orochimaru now dubbed Akino, respectfully bowed. Sarutobi smiled, and handed Orochimaru a piece of paper.

"Here's the address of the hotel you, and your team will be staying at." the hokage slid out of his chair slowly. "I hope you, and your team will have a great stay at konoha." he held out his hand, which Orochimaru shook.

"I'm positive it will be a very fun trip indeed." replied Orochimaru, and bowed. The hokage smiled and waved goodbye. The sanin in disguise then ushered they team out of the door, and into the street.

"I'm positive" he whispered once out of hearing range with the old man.

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The door to the sound nins hotel room slammed open. Having been kicked open by the one, the only, Naruto. Tayuya rubbed her temples tensely. Kidomaru laughed.

"You didn't have to kick it open fuckface!" she yelled angrily. Naruto looked back at her, a foxy grin placed on his face, and with the shiny red hair he really looked like a fox. He swiveled his hips in a alluring way. "Why yes, I did tayu-chan. It was locked." he grinned evan more and jumped on the first bed he had set his eyes on. Kidomaru followed after.

Tayuya glared at him from the doorway. "Why do I have to share a room with you losers?" Orochimaru emerged from the hallway, not unlike the way he did back at the base.

"Because, its cheaper to get only one room." he walked into the room and headed strait to the bathroom, to steal all the soap and mini shampoos. Because what's more evil than stealing free merchandise from a hotel.

Tayuya huffed and grabbed the bed closest to the window. Kidomaru ran to the glass and smashed his face up against it. "So, Naruto this is where you used to live?" the spider boy called out, looking over the people below the window. The blond nodded, his face taking on a weird look. He smiled and made his way to the window where Kidomaru was.

He unlatched the sliding window and opened it. His mouth twisted up as if collecting something. He stuck his head out and aimed. His neck craned as he hacked a loogy on some unexpecting villagers. He quickly yanked his head back into the window after hearing a disgusted yell from below.

"Ahahahahahahahahahah!..nice one!" Tayuya laughed, as she fell back onto the cushioned bed. Kidomaru smirked. And Orochimaru had yet to leave the bathroom.

They waited in silence before Kidomaru yelled out.

"I want to go sightseeing!"

"Fuck…you don't have to scream!" yelled back Tayuya. Her ears ringing.

"Well sorry for being excited to be in a new village." he defended. Naruto got up from his bed, and brushed off imaginary dirt from his pants. "We can go sightseeing. I know how to get everywhere." Kidomaru visibly brightened. "YES!" he excitedly pulled Naruto and a cursing Tayuya out of the door.

--

Orochimaru emerged out of the bathroom, his eyes searched around and he frowned. "Where did those brats go." he bent down and checked under the bed, and behind the curtains, and under weirdly place rocks, but found no trace of them. Little did he know that they left the hotel already to go sightseeing. He continued to search the whole hotel.

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"ohhhhhh, ahhhhhhhhh,ohhhhhhhh,ahhhhhhhhh." Kidomaru exclaimed wildly as they walked through the streets of konoha. Naruto and Tayuya behind him dragging there feet, making loud scuffleling noises. They had been dragged around all of konoha twice. Evan Naruto with his incredible stamina was tired. But Kidomaru had yet to run out of energy as he continued onward.

"Why the fuck is he so excited about? Its just a bunch of trees and streets." Tayuya asked Naruto. He shrugged. "Maybe he's from mars. They don't have any trees there." he whispered back. She stifled a snort. Naruto smiled and unwrapped a tootsie pop, and popped it into his mouth.

"I swear if he makes one more sound I'm going to strangle him." she completed the statement by making choking motions with her hands.

"Ahhhhhhhhhhhh, ohhhhhhhhhhh."

"That's it! You're a dead man!" she yelled. And jerked forward to choke Kidomaru. But stopped when they heard a sound in the next deserted street.

"Hey kid you got dirt on my shirt! Your gonna pay." a male voice came from the street. A younger female voice talked next. "Please leave him alone. We were just playing around."

The sound nins walked around to see a suna nin wearing some kind of cat like garb and purple face paint, holding up a kid by his scarf. A blond suna nin with a big fan on her back stood behind him. On the other side was a pink haired girl wearing a red battle dress, and a boy with brown hair and yellow clothes, who was shivering as if he was cold.

"Hmm..I see a fight brewing." Naruto got a giddy look on his face. "I just love senseless fights."

Tayuya stared down at them with a scowl on her face. All these Children were genin by the head bands on their person. She added a glare to her intimating look. How did they pass the exam? They looked weak to her. Expesahaly the pink haired one. Naruto walked over to them, Tayuya and Kidomaru followed him.

The blond switched his lolly pop to the other cheek with his tongue. "hey I'sent that the hokage grandson?" he looked back to Tayuya. She searched her brain for the information.

"Yeah. It seems that the suna fucktards are threatening the hokages grandson." the pink haired girl looked alarmed at her language. Obviously she was taught how to drink tea and eat crumpets with her grandmother. Just like all good girls were. But Tayuya was not your average girl. Far from it.

The suna nin imminently set the boy down gently. And glared at the also glaring Tayuya. "And who are you?" he snarled.

Naruto smiled tightly, and held out his hand to the frazzled pink haired girl, completely ignoring the suna nin.

"Hello, my name is Renjiro, what's your name miss." he politely bowed. The girl blushed and shook his hand. "Sakura Haruno." she answered flattered, but still a bit frazzled. Tayuya's glare intensified.

"And you?" he turned to the brown haired boy. The boy gripped his hand gingerly. "M-Michio." he stuttered, but managed to get out. By now the male suna nin was fuming.

"Don't ignore us you oto trash." he spat. The female blonde behind him looked alarmed. "Kankuro, you better not start a fight, or you- know- who will come." her eyes searched the trees that lined the area.

The boy, Kankuro smirked back at her. "Don't worry Tamari, they started it not me."

He turned back to naruto and grabbed the foxy boy by his shirt and lifted his up off the ground. Naruto looked unfazed. "Hey punk, you cant go around making fun of suna." he said his face inches away from Naruto's. He was trying to look intimidating. It was cute actually.

"And why not?" the blond smirked. Kankuro raised a fist.

A pebble flew out of the tree line and smacked Kankuro's hand. The puppet user yelped and imminently let go of Naruto, who landed gracefully on his feet, like a cat.

Everyone turned to see a boy with a duck butt hairdo sitting on a branch. He was throwing a pebble up, and then catching it with his hand.

"Sasuke-kun!" Sakura squealed. The oto nins grimaced hearing the squeal. The boy, Sasuke crushed the pebble dramatically.

"You should pick on someone your own size." he said coolly. Sakura swooned. Naruto sweat dropped 'Someone your owe size? I'm not that small' he thought. Tayuya glared. Sakura was a fan girl. 'Eckk' she thought.

"Wait a minute here…sas-uke!" naruto laughed. "What kind of name is that." he completed. Kidomaru broke into fits of man giggles. Sasuke glared at them, but turned his attention back to Kankuro.

"You shouldn't start fights in enemy territory." he stated. Kankuro glared. "This kid knocked into to me, and dirtied my shirt!" he pointed at Konohamaru.

"Kankuro you're a disgrace to our village." a gravelly voice spoke from the tree Sasuke was on. The duck butt haired one turned his head to reveal a red haired boy, upside down on a tree branch.

'What? How did I not see him.' Sasuke thought in awe.

The red head disappeared in a swirl of sand and appeared next to the flustered Kankuro. "G-Gaara" was said boys reaction. Gaara turned toward them. "I apologize for my brothers behavior." his monotone voice unemotionally droned. Naruto smiled, his left cheek bulging out because of the lolly, and extended his hand to Gaara.

"Hello, my name is Renjiro, what's your name." he asked politely, even though he new the answer. Surprisingly Gaara took the hand, and red met aqua as they locked eyes.

"Gaara of the desert." the gourd wearing boy let go of Naruto's, not shaking it. Naruto's stayed extended for a brief and forgettable second, until he pulled back.

"Why are you in konoha?" Sasuke interrupted looking directly at Gaara. Tamari answer instead. "Haven't you heard, the chunin exams are being held here. Our sensei sighed us up."

"Us too" Kidomaru smirked when Sakura's eyes bulged when she noticed his extra arms. Tayuya frowned. This meeting was way too long for her tastes. And the girls pink hair was starting to blind her.

"Lets go. This is too boring." she turned on her heal, before she got an answer and started to leave. Naruto and Kidomaru followed her back to the hotel.

Naruto was lost in his thoughts. That kid, Gaara was a jinchuuriki just like him.

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Tayuya sighed when she leaned back onto the soft cotton sheets of the hotels bed. Her aching back and feet felt sweet relief from the pressure of the chunin exams. The first test was scheduled for tomorrow. But all those thoughts flew away from her when she laid on the comfy bed.

She turned over in bed and opened her eyes. An empty bed lay three feet next to her. Naruto was in the hotels arcade trying to pass the time. Apparently he didn't sleep, at all! the black circles around his eyes were from insomnia, not mascara. She was glad to hear that he didn't wear make up. She shrugged 'who knew'. Her eyelids drooped until she was carried away into a dreamless piece.

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Okay hopefully this keep's you guys at bay, while I get load on studying for tests. Stupid mathematics -.-

**Review!**


	5. chunin exams!

**Disclaimer: I don't own naruto.**

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" Hey! Wait up" Kidomaru rushed past crowds of people on the busy streets of konoha. "Hey! I said wait the fuck up!" he yelled to his rushing teammates ahead of him. "shut the fuck up! Were going to be late!" Tayuya yelled back. some of the villagers around her wore a look of disgust. Naruto laughed for no apparent reason and continued munching on a bag of candy corn.

They finally arrived at the genin academy. They ran up two flights of stairs to a room labeled 205. In front of the room two teams and two jonin covered in a genjutsu stood. A green clad genin rushed to the only to get punched painfully in the head. He fell back into the arms of his female teammate.

"Ha, headshot." chuckled naruto. He grabbed a piece of candy corn and flicked it over to the hideous green genin. The other team they recognized. It was the team they met yesterday. Sasuke stepped forward.

"Who made you the boss." he asked coolly. Tayuya scowled. This Sasuke person, obviously thought he was better than everyone else. The jonin in descise shifted on his other foot.

"Hey we just don't want any of you getting hurt." the other jonin added. "Yeah. People die in this exam."

Naruto smiled. "Sounds interesting." he popped another piece of candy corn in his mouth and headed to the next flight of stairs, Tayuya and Kidomaru following wordlessly. The blond was stopped by an arrogant voice. "What is your name."

"Sasuke, Uchiha sas-" the avenger was interrupted by a blind looking fellow. "Not you." "him." the boy pointed to naruto. Sasuke glared. Naruto turned around. "Why, little old me" he asked pointing to himself. Kidomaru smirked at the hyuuga's expression.

"Yes, you." he said annoyed. Naruto smiled. "Are you sure."

"YES!" he huffed. Naruto chewed on a piece of candy corn thoughtfully. He looked confused for a second. "Are you super sure." Neji's eye twitched in agitation. He sighed and counted to ten.

"Yes"

"Super duper."

"YES!!" he yelled. Tayuya snorted at the boys red face.

"Renjiro." he smiled with his eyes closed. Neji almost fainted. "Lets go guys. This is boring me." the now red head said. And they headed up the stairs. Ten ten turned to Neji.

"well, that was weird."

"Very." he answered. "That was the freakiest person I've ever met." he shook his head to clear his thoughts. Lee, now back to normal after that hit to the cranium, smiled and picked up the piece of candy corn naruto flicked.

"Yum candy corn."

"LEE DON'T EAT THAT! IT WAS ON THE FLOOR!"

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On the next floor, there was only one door. As they made there way over to it, naruto thought of all the possibilities that would come during the exam. He didn't like making big decisions. Behind them they could here the two other teams walking up the stairs.

"Finally the konoha genin figured it out." Tayuya responded disappointed. Kidomaru also looked disappointed. Naruto knew that they both wanted to fight a powerful opponent, and they weren't liking the konoha teams. Kidomaru gripped the door handle and opened the door.

Tayuya and Kidomarus look of disappointment turning into relief, when the door reviled a bunch of ruff looking genin. Naruto couldn't help but feel excited. He hadn't fought in a really long time. The room was in silence for some odd reason. They noticed that a group of fresh konoha genin crowded the doorway.

"This looks promising." naruto shoved his hand into the bag of candy corn. Kidomaru smirked.

"Fresh meat." he licked his lips, and his eight arms rubbed hands in an evil gesture. Tayuya crossed her arms and glared all around the room.

"Is it just me?" she asked. " Or is all the konoha teams waiting at the doorway." she said loud enough for the leaf teams to hear.

"Like trapped animals." said naruto throwing a candy corn into his mouth. He looked at her causally while chewing. "You want one." he offered holding one up to her. She took it and threw it into her mouth, ignoring the dirty looks coming from the konoha teams. They moved over to an empty spot on a wall.

Naruto looked at the crowd sitting on long desks. He spotted a flash of red hair. He looked closer to see the sand nin Gaara. Gaara noticed him too. The gourd wearing boy stared at him impassively. Naruto smiled at him and waved. He received no reaction. He tore his eyes away from the red haired boy to search the crowd. He locked eyes with a brown eyed iwa nin. The boy glared at him hatefully. He smiled at his 'worthy opponent'.

He moved from his leaning position to the iwa nins table. He sat down across from him. He barely noticed Tayuya and Kidomaru take positions at his sides. "What are you doing." Tayuya whispered into his ear. He answered smiling at the iwa nin. "Playing a game."

he took a small sealing scroll from his pocket and unsealed a chess board, plus all the pieces. Never taking his eyes off the boy in front off him he moved one of his pawns forward. "Your turn." he said. The iwa nins teammates exchanged knowing glances. They smirked.

The brown eyed boy moved one of his pawns forward also. His moves were precise and he thought them through. But then again, so did naruto. The hidden blond smirked.

"Why don't we up the stacks. every time you or I gets a piece of the opponents, the loser gets there finger cut of." he said.

The boy smirked also. "Okay." said the confident boy. Naruto's teammates were shocked.

Tayuya arched an eyebrow. "What are you planning?" she asked suspiciously. He turned to her.

"Nothing." he answered innocently. His ruby red eyes twinkled. She blinked, and his head was turned back to the chess board. After he moved any other piece, he pulled out the same sealing scroll as before. He unsealed a cigar cutter, and placed it on the table. The iwa nin stared at it confused.

"What's that for?" he asked. Naruto looked at him with a look that clearly said 'what are you crazy'.

"For the finger cutting of course. What did you think I was going to use it for." the boy blushed a dark shade of red in embarrassment. He looked back down and moved one of his knights. Naruto smirked. The blond moved his rook to take down the iwa nins knight. The boy was sweating bullets. He knew he was going to lose a finger. Naruto swiped the knight off the board and into his hand.

"Oh dear." naruto smiled. " It looks like you lost a piece." he picked up the cigar cutter from the wooden desk, and waved in the iwa nins face. The boy gulped but put his hand forward. The boy was loyal to his promises. Naruto's smile grew bigger. He took the boys index finger into the hole of the cutter. The boy closed his eyes.

"SCWELCH"

Everyone in the room looked over to see a iwa nin holding his bleeding stump of a finger, clenching his teeth. And naruto laughing with his teammates sitting across from the nin, holding a bloody cigar cutter. Naruto wiped the tears from his eyes, and sat upright in his chair.

"Shall we continue playing." he said curtly.

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"Okay then, seeing as you only have one finger left, lets just stop." naruto said smiling. He had won the game of chess. He had escaped with all of his fingers in tact. But the other boy was not so lucky. He lost all of his fingers gone, except for the pinky on his left hand. He sat up from the chair and looked out around the room of gawking people.

"Does anyone else wants to play a game of chess?" he asked.

No answer.

He shrugged and made his way back to the wall with his teammates. The other nins moved out of his way when walked by.

"SHUT UP, YOU WORTHLESS MAGGOTS!" yelled a man wearing a black bandanna, in front of the room. "TAKE A SEAT!" the ninjas rushed around to find there assigned seats. Naruto, Tayuya, and Kidomaru walked over to there seats.

The man handed everyone a paper. "This is the written portion of the exam. Each one of you will answer all nine questions, and then wait for me to tell you the tenth one."

"But what ever you do, don't cheat. You will get a point taken off each time your caught cheating. You have five points until you and your team fail." he cackled.

"You got an hour, go!" heavy scribbling was heard from pretty much everyone. Naruto sighed. An hour of boring. He took out a tub of licorice. This was going to be a long hour.

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"Team twenty two, sixty five, and ten, you fail! Now get out." ibiki yelled from his teachers desk up front. Naruto sighed once again, as the teams called walked in shame out the door. He looked down at his blank paper, and chewed on licorice whip. He laced his fingers behind his head, and stretched his arms. He was right about the hour being long. It was agony. He could spot everyone cheating in some way. Was this ibiki guy blind or something. If he was the examiner for this exam all of these genin would fail.

BEEP!

The timer went of signaling the end of the test period. "Before the tenth question, I want to include this little fact. If you get the tenth question wrong you can never become a chunin, ever." a hushed silence overcame the room. The silence was broken by a loud snort from naruto. Ibiki gave him a dirty look and continued to usher the quitters out the door.

"Pft, pussys." snorted Tayuya. Kidomaru, who was trying to balance a pencil on his nose, also chuckled. 'I wish I had some fried chicken' he thought.

Ibiki glanced around the room, and when no one else raised their hand he continued. "The tenth question is…YOU PASS!"

"Wha?" some random kid exclaimed. The sand nin, Tamari, sat up in her chair. :what do you mean we passed. What about the tenth question!" she exclaimed. Naruto blocked out the rest of the boring conversation.

CRASH

A purple haired jonin crashed threw the window, a banner following her and pining up with kunai.

"Hello kiddies, my name is Anko and I'm the second test examiner!" she looked around the room with a frown. "ibiki your skill must be dulling, you let all of these teams pass." ibiki frowned also. " their a really tough bunch." he replied. Anko smirked and looked at them.

"Well by the time I'm done with them, they be cut in half."

The room became quiet. Tayuya coughed a few times to cut the silence. Kidomaru snorted and choked on the pencil he was chewing on. Naruto proceeded to fire spit balls on the kid in front of him. Anko signaled them to follow her.

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They arrived at a dark and eerie forest. Anko led them to a chain link fence and told them to fill out some papers, and receive there scroll. Naruto took the time to evaluate the teams. The sand team they met yesterday looked pretty strong. But he knew that Gaara was running the show. Tayuya and Kidomaru could take out the other two easily. While looking around he spotted a practically weak looking team. And guess what? There leaf nin of course.

The self proclaimed leader of the team was a gruff looking boy, with a dog on his hooded head. He looked like a one trick pony. The next boy was a mysterious looking bug lover. The silent type were always the kinky ones. Bugs creped him out. The female of the team was the shy hyuuga heiress. Like he just said the silent ones were always freaks in bed. She was a stuttering mess. He smirked. 'Piece of cake, mmm..cake.' he drooled. Unforchounintly he was staring right at a certain piece of atonamy on a certain red head, while drooling about cake. What else was she supposed to think. He received a swift and hard punch to the head.

"OW, where's my cake!" he exclaimed after the painful hit, loud enough for Anko to notice.

"Hey, you kids shut the hell up! This isn't a joke! You can die in this test!" the purple haired fiend shock her fist.

"This sure sounds like a joke." naruto whispered, while unwrapping salt water taffy. Anko, angry at his nonchalant attitude, threw a kunai at his cheek. The kunai nicked him on his whisker marks, the slice healing up nicely. He shuddered at the pleasurable feeling from his whisker marks.

"Mmm..gotta love the feisty ones." he smirked at her, and snapped his fingers. Anko frowned and went back to talking, and intemenating the small genin.

Naruto, Tayuya, and Kidomaru lined up in front of the chain link fence opening, waiting for the timer to go off, so they could start. Tayuya waited impatiently tapping her foot. Naruto unlike Tayuya was smiling happily. He was a little miffed himself from all the lectures. It seemed that the instructors talked at you, not to you. Like anko, they left no room for questions. He was along the lines of an rage filled bull surrounded by brittle china.

Finally the doors swung open, and all the teams filtered into the broody forest. Naruto's team faltered for a bit and waited for the other teams to run. Kidomaru graphed out the directions they were rushing to. Then they walked through the gates.

While they were strolling, naruto noticed Tayuya's annoyed look. "Hey, tay what's eating you up?" he asked in concern. For his teams chance at passing of course. She turned to him and her glare increased.

"What's it to you, ass rag." she spat hatefully. He just smiled at her knowingly, and ate a piece of taffy. Kidomaru stared in awe.

"Where do you get all that candy?" he asked, readjusting his jaw.

Naruto unwrapped another taffy. "Magic." he replied casually. Tayuya shot him a heated look.

"First it was candy corn, then it was licorice, now its taffy, what's next." she sarcastically stated, obviously not having a good time.

"Dum dums!" the blond yelled, pulling out a bag of dum dums, the taffy disappearing.

"Great, just great." Tayuya slapped her face. Everything was a joke to this guy. She did like to consider herself having some form of humor. Even if it was containing death jokes.

They continued strolling in the forest in silence, except for Naruto's crunch munching, until they met a opponent.

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"Hmm…this spot looks good." naruto plopped down on an uncomfortable tree branch. Underneath the tree was a clearing, where Gaara was massacring a group of rain nins. From his spot on the branch he could also see the freaked out konoha team. He laid back resting on the trunk of the tree. He unsealed the sealing scroll from his scrap metal necklace, and unsealed a bag of butter covered popcorn.

He just loved dinner and a show.

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Tayuya dropped down swiftly from a tree. She looked both ways searching for the enemy nin that she felt was following her. She didn't feel a chakra signature near her. Her tensed shoulders dropped, and her eyebrows unknotted from there knitted position. She relaxed even for just a moment.

Big mistake.

A dagger flew out from bush, and whizzed past her thigh. She quickly went into a defensive position and dogged a kunai that was skillfully throw at her. A boy wearing a gas mask walked hunched over from the bush. He laughed, the exhale bouncing off the plastic and coming out as a chilling hollow laugh.

"Its looks like I caught a beauty, eh?" he asked to himself. Tayuya glared in disgust. She hated men who acted like that.

"Fuck off, asshole." she spat, and fought the erg to cross her arms. His eyes narrowed at the insult.

"a potty mouth eh?" he coked and eyebrow.

"Yah eh!" she mocked.

A clone of him formed from the mud on the ground and rushed her. She grabbed her flute and brought it to her lips

'its bought time'

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Kidomaru traveled for about two miles when he stopped. His hands fluidly ran through a few hand signs. He thrusted his palm down on the ground, and a cloud of smoke raised from it. When the cloud dispersed, a million little black spiders stood waiting for his order. He stood up and instructed the spiders to each follow one team and report back with information.

Kidomaru watched as the spiders crawled off to their assigned locations. He then hopped off to find naruto.

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Naruto once again held in a joyful laugh, when one of the rain nins was covered in sand then crushed to death. This sand nin was hilarious. Too bad no one else was laughing. He glanced down to see how the leaf team was handling. The small dog was shaking in fear, while its master was wide eyed at the bloody display of rage. The girl of the team was the worst off. She was quaking in fear, while the mysterious boy tried to comfort her. But no pat on the back could erase the images that were burned into her retinas.

Naruto uncapped a mountain dew, and took a sip. He wiped the frothy residue from his lips, and hopped down behind the leaf team. The genins didn't even notice him, they were to busy being quiet to avoid a death by sand. Naruto smirked like a fox, as he crept toward the hyuuga.

Once close enough without alerting her, he place his lips next to her ear, and whispered.

"Oh..you touch my tra la la."

She stood stock still before spinning around, with her bloodline active. Kiba, and Shino following her soon after. He scooted back a few steps back with his hands in the air.

"Hey, I come in piece." he smiled showing off his sharp canines. Kiba growled slightly. "I should kill you for scaring us like that." the dog boy snarled. Genins these days just didn't know a fierce competitor when they see it.

"Touchy. Any way, I just saw you guys and thought you needed help. You look like your in deep shit." Hinata looked appalled at his language. Did all the girls think swearing was a the worst he could do. He suddenly smiled wildly.

"Watch this." he crawled over to the bush and created a small hole in the brush so he could get a clear shot. He charged a wad of chakra to his hand until he felt it was enough. He held his mountain dew firmly and shook it up until it was just a bottle of bubbles. He aimed the bottle at the gourd wearing sand nin, and unscrewed the cap.

The sugary drink exploded outward and onto Gaara drenching the red haired boy. When the bottle empted itself onto Gaara. The red head looked down at his soaking wet cloths, and was secretly confused at why the sand didn't stop the effective attack. His teal eyes wandered over to the bush that fired the drink at him, and held up his hand for his sand to crush them.

"Bail!" naruto yelled and hightailed it out of there, not really caring about what would happen to the others.

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The forest around them was destroyed, mostly from Tayuya's doki. She landed softly on a tree branch panting. This guys clones where all most indestructible. Each time she got a hit, the damn things would just reform. She grimaced when she shifted onto her right foot. Rippling pain ripped from her wound on her side. She brought her flute up to her lips ready for battle when a shadow jump down from the trees.

The sun reviled naruto holding up the beaten up nin she was fighting. She relaxed and let her hand drop to her side.

"need some help." he said smugly. She frowned at his tone and walked up to him. "Shut..the…fuck…up." she panted without her usual venom. "What scroll does…he have." she pointed at the nin and leaned back on a tall tree to rest. Naruto licked his lips and held up an earth scroll. She smiled in satisfaction, Just the scroll they needed.

Kidomaru arrived out of the bushes and leaned on a tree like Tayuya had done. "my spiders are tracking the other teams and there accomplishments." he said, and then shuddered. "did you guys feel that?"

"Yeah. Its Orochimaru's chakra, he's fighting that chicken haired kid." Tayuya replied kicking some dirt with her heal. Naruto turned to where two trees parted and reviled the glistening moon rising up over the under brush, and he sighed in relief. He plopped down on the cold ground and rubbed his temples with his finger tips. Konoha sure was a stressful place.

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Chapter 6 will follow soon after, probably because of my boredom. I personally think this chapter isn't very good…but I posted it anyway

**Review!!**


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